Author's Introduction :
Allow me to just say that yes, I am a Kevin Spacey fan, in a
way. But I am not a crazed maniac.
Researching this was NOT fun. Halfway through the script, I
realized - 'holy shit, I know very little about the guy, and
that means I'm not really being true to fandom!' so I had to
thumb through endless webpages, and the crazed fandom actually
helped me shape Allison's personality - well, as much as
one's personality can be carved from such a short film. ^^
Keep that in mind. ;) I had to pick a celebrity that I liked
for the focus of this short little snippet, and I thought
Mr. Spacey would be quite funny. Enjoy it.
INT. ALLISON'S ROOM. -- DAY
Start with a longshot of ALLISON, slowly moving in. ALLISON
sits on a pillow before her shrine. The pillow is obviously
from her bed, decorated with a very girly pillowcase, kittens
or yellow flowers or something really ridiculous, as opposed
to being a silk or velvet cushion befitting a real, religious-
looking shrine. The shrine is slathered with candles of all
shapes, colors, and sizes, most of which are blue and pink
pastels, glittery, the kind of stuff you'd see at Claire's
or in the Delia's catalogs. Star-shapes, hearts, just the
most disgustingly lovey-dovey teenage-girly things imaginable,
all over this shrine. Perhaps a corkboard with an animal-
print border, on which are tacked print-outs and glossy photos
of the "illustrious" actor, Kevin Spacey.
All throughout this voice over, the camera pans over shots
of the actress sitting in what appears to be meditation at
the foot of her shrine, sitting in a lotus position (indian-
style, I guess you could say) with her eyes closed. The
camera shows a CU of the shrine, and its autographed 8x10
glossies, movie posters, etc. The material should be of a
wide range of the actor's movies.
ALLISON (V.O.)
Okay...so like...
ALLISON gives a really authoritative, fake clearing of her
throat. The actress should space out her words as if she is
giving a regal speech.
ALLISON (V.O.)
AHEM! ...THIS is where I, Allison
Miranda Walter, am going to begin MY
TRIBUTE to the illustrious, amazing,
illuminated BEING that is Kevin
Spacey.
A small dog's bark is heard in the background. The dog sounds
like a pomeranian, Chihuahua, or something else small and
annoying. ALLISON hisses her next line, as if trying to
hush him.
ALLISON (V.O.)
Bai-ley, be QUIET!! This has gotta
be perfect.
(resuming her normal
speech)
Okay, so ...anyway. The eeee-
llustrious, amazing, illuminated
being that is Kevin Spacey. He is...
my deity. Any actor can be connected
to Kevin Spacey in six degrees or
less. I can link to him in THREE
degrees, much like Emma Thompson,
who was in Remains of the Day with
Anthony Hopkins, who was in Legends
of the Fall with Brad Pitt, who was
in Seven with
(really stupid sounds
oral fanfare)
DA-DA-DA-DAAAA! ...
(pause, quietly, cutely)
Kevin!
The camera makes a slow, circular pan of ALLISON, from her
left side to her right side, sitting there in meditation,
with a blissfully happy smile on her face, one eye
occasionally closing more than the other as she sits there,
pondering her future with her favorite person in the whole
world.
ALLISON (V.O.)
But me, like I said. I can link to
him in three degrees. My Uncle Jim
got put in the hospital once, and
Kevin was visiting some guy there, I
dunno, but that means I'm three
degrees to Kevin Spacey, and inches
closer to heaven. Kevin rhymes with
heaven. I mean, oh. My. God. It's
not just some coincidence, it's like
...fate.
MOM (O.S.)
Allison! It's ready!
ALLISON (V.O.)
(angry sigh)
COMING MOM! ... I'll have to pick
this up after dinner.
(more cheerfully)
Byyeee!
As the camera reaches her right side, she reaches down and
turns off a voice recorder. The shot goes to black.
CUT TO :
EXT. POST OFFICE. -- DAY
ALLISON walks into the Post Office.
INT. POST OFFICE.
ALLISON stands, thumbing through a mess of envelopes with an
expectant look on her face.
ALLISON (V.O.)
I've been collecting Kevin memorabilia
for about a year now, and in that
brief time I think I have honestly
become his most loyal and devoted
fan. I probably have more copies of
his signature than HE does.
INT. ALLISON'S HOME.
ALLISON flies down the stairs of her home with an envelope
in her hand (please assure that the actress does not kill
herself doing this, or I would really feel retarded), looking
ridiculously happy, diving for the couch, ripping it open
and grabbing a phone at the same time. She dials her best
friend's number, then rips out the letter within the envelope.
She looks ecstatic as she holds the letter open to view, the
phone resting between her cheek and her shoulder, but suddenly
her expression changes from joy to a complete and utter
neutral. No emotion whatsoever. She hangs up the phone without
waiting for her friend to answer, then sits there with a
fairly disappointed look crossing her face.
ALLISON (V.O.)
The last letter I got from him was a
couple of months ago, and I really
am sad to say that he hasn't written
since. I keep checking every day,
but despite all the happiness I
receive through my subscription to
many Kevin mailing lists and fan
clubs, I am
(slight whiny voice)
disappointed...
INT. POST OFFICE.
ALLI flops her hands on the counter, holding the letters,
staring into space at eye-level, looking somewhat sad.
ALLISON (V.O.)
Okay, so Kevin's last letter to me
wasn't really from him -- it was
from his lawyer. But he is a VERY
busy man! He's just playing a clever
game with all that legal jargon.
Swimming with Sharks, you know.
EXT. POST OFFICE.
Allison walks out of the post office, thumbs under the straps
of her pink-and-purple backpack, slightly pouting as she
comes out into the sun. She looks dejected and thoughtful,
and looks both ways before staring down at the handful of
letters in her hand.
ALLISON (V.O.)
I mean, why would he need a
restraining order when we don't even
live in the same state? He's just a
big kidder, that's all. He knows
what he REALLY wants, and I am willing
to bet 100% that that something is
ME, Allison Miranda Walter!
As the last part of the voice-over is spoken, ALLI starts to
look sort of hopeful, and gets on her
bicycle/scooter/transportation gizmo. She wheels off towards
home.
INT. ALLISON'S BEDROOM.
The sun is shining, she sits straight up in bed as if thinking
"this is the day!" with a bright grin on her face. She leaps
out of bed. She was...already dressed. This part should be
really cheesy, as if some really lame, pop-ish girly song
were playing in the background. Very "Legally Blonde".] [The
shot is now from a hand-held camcorder. The little red light
blinks and says "REC" as is... expected of a camcorder.
ALLISON sits down in front of the camera, and a shot of her
very girly, very Kevin-obsessed bedroom is seen behind her.
She pulls BAILEY into her lap and smiles, preparing to speak
into the camera.
ALLISON
Okay. So.
(She looks around,
and grins at the
camera as if unable
contain her excitement)
Today is the day. This is going to
be SO awesome. So, the next time we
meet, hopefully I will be finishing
up this little tribute on a happy
note. Kevin rhymes with heaven, and
that's where I'll be in thirty-two
hours!!!
(She looks very
excited, and looks
down at her watch)
Eeeeeee! Time to go! MMMWA!
She turns the camera off. Cut to black.
CUT TO :
STATIC, FOR 1-2 SECONDS.
INT. HOTEL ROOM.
ALLISON looks quite exited, though in a contained sort of
way, as if she feels quite cool and proud of herself.
ALLISON
I have returned to begin wrapping up
my video tribute! My trip has been
a real mess so far, but the Usual
Suspects were present, so it's been
sooooo worth it.
(She winks big,
implying that she
has made oh, SUCH a
funny joke)
For BEHOLD! I have secured a
photograph of priceless value! Look!
ALLISON holds up a photograph of herself standing on a
sidewalk at night and in the very left of the photo is a
man's hand, as if someone was passing by. Her finger points
to the man's hand.
ALLISON
Is that a hand belonging to my loooove
angel? I think it is!
(She cuddles the
picture, looking up
to the ceiling as if
talking to God)
I would have asked for an autograph,
but some cop got in my way and he
kept moving every time I tried to
get around. I think he had a hearing
problem, because I said "I'd like to
speak to Mr. Spacey" and he was like
"Yes, miss, I know" and he was just
REAL weird.
ALLISON makes a face and looks sideways as if the man were
there, to imply that he was a little nuts, the kind of thing
you'd gesture to a friend if the person was in the room,
really subdued and "subtle". She shrugs, looking at the
picture and gives a sigh of heavenly bliss.
ALLISON
I know he saw me... cause he started
walking real fast, and I would have
chased after him but that nutty cop
told me to get off the sidewalk. I
mean, what was his problem?
(sigh)
But by a
(wink, another joke)
Show of Force, I got the cop to move,
but Kevin was already out of my sight.
I'm sure he was disappointed when he
realized I hadn't been able to catch
up... but I mean, he could have come
back, you know? Bleh.
(shrugs)
But it's all part of the game of
love, and I have IRON WILL! Heh,
heh. Gotta get my American Beauty
rest so that I can do some Kevin-
spotting tomorrow. Ta!
(wink)
Remember, Kevin rhymes with heaven!
ALLISON reaches over and turns the camera off. Cut to black.
FIN