3-Way Confusion

Kurt Loyd



(Note: I kept this "script" in a basic broken story form rather than set it

up shot for shot. Wouldn't want to take all of the fun out of your hands.)



Characters:

Driver #1

Driver #2

Driver #3

Road Fairy





Three cars all reach a "T" intersection at the same time. No other cars

around, as the intersection looks to be on the outskirts of a small town.

(For purposes of simplicity we will note the Drivers by their location.

Driver #1 will be the driver facing into the cross street. Driver #2 will be

to his right, and Driver #3 will be directly across from Driver #2 and to

the left of Driver #1....confusing yet?)



-----------------

#3             #2

------     ------

      | #1 |

      |    |

      |    |





Almost at once two turn signals click on. Driver #1 signals to to left (in

front of Driver #3), Driver #2 signals to turn left as well (cutting across

the path of Driver # 1. Driver #3 intentd on going straight ahead and thus

intersecting both other drivers.





All three drivers take turns looking toward one another and smiling

politely, waiting for the others to go ahead into the intersection. None do.

Driver #1 waves to Driver #2 and motions him into the intersection. Driver

#2 smiles and waves him off, turning to motion Driver #3 to go. 

Driver #3 smiles, waves back and motions back to Driver #1.

All three drivers make a quick, yet cautious move into the intersection and

in the their intended directions. Almost as quickly they hit the breaks at

once and back up to their original positions.

All three drivers look slighlty uptight and make visible displays of

frustration...tapping fingers on the steering wheel, rubbing temples, etc.

Again the exchange of polite smiles and gesturing for the others to go makes

the rounds of the three drivers with, predictably, the exact same result of

all three pulling into the intersection, only to back out.



This exchange goes on another few times with two cars pulling into the

intersection and cutting each other off, then backing out...then another two

cars...until a round-robin of frustrating aborted attempts to get through

the intersection is completed....each of the drivers are upset and starting

to show their anger.



Visibly past the point of polite, Driver #1 points at Driver #2 to go. Driver

#2 Holds up his hands and points over at Driver #3 as if to say that Driver #3

 was the one to blame for the confusion.

Driver #3 flips off Driver #2, who in turn flips off Driver #3...Driver #1

honks his horn to get the attention of the other two drivers..then flips

them both off.

All three drivers gun their engines and hop their cars into the

intersection, only to SLAM on the brakes and back away to avoid an accident.



All three drivers look at one another as if the fight was on.

Driver #1 reaches behind his seat and pulls out a baseball bat.

Driver #2 reaches under his seat and grabs a hammer.

Driver #3 reaches into his glove box and pulls out a gun.

Simultaneously they open their car doors and start slowly out of their cars,

still standing behind the driver's side door and clutching their weapons

below the line of sight.

Icy and angry stares are exchanged between all of the drivers and fingers

fidget to grip the weapons tighter. Just as it looks like the three are

about to come out from behind their doors and battle it out, a strange sight

ambles into the intersection.



A hairy, stout and rotund man bicycles into the middle of the intersection

and stops. He is wearing a dess (tutu perhaps?) and boots. On his head a

tiara or spring antenna headgear. In his hand a star-pointed magic wand and

a small pouch around his neck.

He is COMPLETELY oblivious to the drivers, never acknowledging that ANYTHING

is going on here.

The 'Road Fairy' glances up at the sky and checks for the direction of the

wind. He stoops and grabs up a small handfull of dirt or debris from the

road, sniffs at it, hold it up to the sky to examine it and then tosses it

up and watches carefully as it drops.

He takes the pouch from around his neck and opnes it close enough to his

face to be able to examine the contents inside.

He pokes his finger in and seems to sort through a number of things inside

the very small pouch. Things that could not conceivably fit into such a

small face.

He withdraws his finger, sniffs at it and then pokes it in his mouth for a

taste. Pleased with the results he turns the pouch upside down and 

pours the contents into the palm of the other hand.

A close up of his hand reveals a samll pile of glitter.

He flings the glitter in the air over his head. He lifts his face up, eyes

closed and extends his arms as the glitter rains down over him.

He soaks it in for a moment after the glitter has all left the air, and then

puts the pouch back around his neck and begins to peddle his bicycle out of

the intersection and off into the distance.



After a second or two the three drivers look at each other completely

puzzled as to what has just transpired. Very slowly, and one at a time, the

three drivers smile nervously at one another and retreat back into their

respective vehicles.

Driver#1 flips his turn signal from left to right. Driver #2 flips his turn

signal from left to 'off'. Driver #3 flips his turn signal on to the right.



All three drivers slowly head out in their new direction, none intersecting

the other.

The intersection sits empty and quiet for a moment, when our 'Road Fairy'

peddles back though going in the opposite direction from his previous exit,

going all the way through without stopping again. A bicycle bell chimes.